Battle of the Homes: Winchester Versus Hearst!

One of the things I'm gonna miss a lot about being a tour guide at the Winchester Mystery House is the questions I get from guests. I've heard so many in the year and a half (well, just about a year and a half!) that I've worked here. Some are really intriguing - I have no idea how people come up with these things, but it really keeps me on my toes.

For example, on Saturday - my very last Saturday working at the mansion I've come to love so dearly - after one of my tours, two of my guests came up and asked me this:

"In today's real estate market, which would go for more money - this place, or Hearst Castle?"

(I'm paraphrasing, I don't remember their exact words, but that's the question.)

The Saturn Cafe and Antique Photos

I don't have a terrible amount of time yet in California. My last day of work is on Wednesday, and after that I have a week left before my flight. Though I don't have a lot of money, I'm trying to use the time I have left to say good bye to beloved places and to experience places I've always longed to try. One such beloved place is Santa Cruz, and one such place I longed to try was their Saturn Cafe in their downtown area. So a few days ago - last Wednesday in fact - a friend and I decided to make a day out of it so I could try that restaurant and say goodbye to Santa Cruz!

Okay, first off, the decor of the Saturn Cafe does not disappoint. Retro diners are kitschy by their very nature, and I adore them, to the point that if I ever did have a house of my own (not likely in New York!) I'd wanna theme the kitchen in that retro kitsch aesthetic. The Saturn Cafe, however? It takes that retro aesthetic and combines it with a kitsch take on outer space. The result is the greatest aesthetic for a place I've ever seen. Retro glitter black-and-pink space age madness is the look I want to achieve.

Things Are Starting to Come Together... Kind Of

via freeimages.com

As my move draws closer and closer, it begins to feel more and more real, to the point where my anxiety is at an all time high even though things are starting to kind of come together. (Basically, I go through my days feeling like I've just taken 8 shots of espresso.)

I don't really have anything permanent lined up yet, which I suppose is where the anxious feeling comes from. But I do have some job interviews and apartment viewings set up (finally!) and thanks to airbnb I at least have a couch to crash on until 15 September, which buys me a little bit of time to find an apartment.

My last day at my beloved California job is next Wednesday, 31 Aug. My bookshelf is becoming more and more empty as friends claim and take all the books I cannot bring with me. And this move feels more and more real by the second.

Now if only I could get my brain to calm the hell down.

-Nym-

6 East Coast Excursions I'd Like to Take

Image via Freeimages.com

(Putting this under my 'New York' tag even though only one of these is in New York)

As my move draws closer and closer, my emotions are kind of on a pendulum which is swinging steadily back and forth between 'excited and optimistic' and 'terrified out of my fucking mind'. I know that's normal.

But I want to hang on to the excited part, so I decided to list 6 trips that I'd like to take once I'm settled on the East Coast.

Top 5 Eras of History I'd Like to Visit

I expect absolutely no one to be surprised by the subject of this entry. It's something that even casual history fans have considered. If you had a time machine that miraculously gave you immunity to any illnesses of the past and the ability to understand the language of where/when you would visit, where would you go? What would you do? While it is hard for some to narrow it down, I tried to. Here are the top 5 eras of history I would like to visit, and what I would do there (in chronological order).

What's Going On In My Life

A recent entry in my journal

I don't expect this to be one of my more popular entries, but I figured for those who were curious I'd just give a quick update about things that are happening in my life right now...

• Sarah's last day at work was Monday, and she flies out of California tomorrow. She doesn't know yet if she plans to come back next summer or not. It's easier this year than it was last year, knowing I'll be with her in only a couple of weeks.
• My last day at work will be on 31 August. I cried when I gave my two weeks notice.
• I went out recently to the San Jose Museum of Art with a girl I met on OkCupid. (Yeah, I gave in and reactivated my account...) I had a great time and highly recommend the museum's current exhibit if you can get to it! And now I know I can meet people online in person and do well.
• Hung out in downtown Willow Glen with Sarah on Wednesday. We waited in line for an hour for an ice cream place called Icicles. It was good, but not 'wait for an hour' good. I expect this to happen to me at least once in New York.

•  Last night, I went to an early showing of "Kubo and the Two Strings". It far exceeded my expectations, and I cannot recommend it enough. Go see it!
• I've officially applied to every paying museum position that I qualify for in all five burroughs of New York City - including Staten Island! None of them have gotten back to me yet other than automated 'we got your resume' e-mails, but it took my current job a few weeks to contact me so I'm not too worried. My mother wants me to apply for some dental positions just in case.
• I've got a couple apartment viewings scheduled in Brooklyn so hopefully I can find a place to stay soon. If not, there's always AirBnb for the time being.
• Regina Spektor has a concert in New York in October and Sarah said she'd go with me. I hope tickets don't sell out before I get my next paycheck.

So that's my life lately
-Nym

Bright Young Things

Art by me

(For the best possible experience, put on a playlist of old jazz music. Or Postmodern Jukebox.)

New York City, 1926.

Happy Birthday Sarah!

I've been writing less lately simply because I've been so very stressed lately, between finding an apartment (not very successful so far), finding a job (less successful), and getting rid of most of my stuff (let's not even go there). So sometimes it's nice to have an excuse to just shove all that aside for a day and celebrate something. And yesterday I did just that. Because yesterday was Sarah's birthday.

Her family wanted to plan a surprise party for her, so I was recruited. I told Sarah on Saturday night that I was taking her out to lunch on Sunday, which wasn't technically a lie. And then yesterday, I picked her up, stalled for a while (we battled some gyms in Pokemon Go) until her mom sent the text that everyone was ready, and drove down to Downtown Willow Glen.

Coping Mechanisms For When I Get the Bad Feelings

As long as I'm being open about my experiences with mental illnesses, I figured I would go ahead and list some of my coping mechanisms for how to deal with depressive spells and anxiety attacks.

A spread from one of my journals

• Journaling. Nothing is as big a help to me as my journal is. I've been journaling for over a year now and I have no idea how I survived without it. My journals are a physical manifestation of what's going on in my brain at any given moment, and feeling like I'm creating something is a huge help!
• Calling a friend. It needs to be a phone call, not a text message, and it needs to be someone I trust enough to call when in that state. But sometimes what I really need is to hear a friendly voice.
• Watching documentaries about 19th-century immigration to New York. Don't ask why. I don't fully understand this myself. There's no reason for this to be so comforting to me, and yet sometimes sitting down and watching the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th episodes of PBS's "New York" documentary series is the only way I can help myself put things in perspective.
• Meditation.  I know it sounds cheesy but it really does help, the breathing techniques I've learned through meditation work wonders.
• My 'rainy day tag' on tumblr. My tumblr dashboard can be really bad when I get in a Mood, but when I'm not in a Mood and I see something that would help me, I'll reblog it with that tag. For me, it's mostly inspirational posts and cute animals, but if you have a tumblr or pinterest (a pinterest board would be fantastic for this purpose) it could be whatever helps you.
• Crafting. It's the same concept as the journaling, in that creating can be helpful. It helps to feel useful and it can be a good way to throw yourself into something and get rid of excess anxious energy.
• Playing Pokemon Go. I know, I know, it sounds dumb, but the game's system of hatching eggs and going to new places to catch new pokemon gives depressed individuals an incentive to pull themselves out of bed and going on a nice walk, which can be majorly helpful.
• Reading a childhood favourite book. When I was young, my favourite books were the Anne of Green Gables series. (The first three are in the public domain now so you can download them to an e-reader for free!) I still love the books to this day, I love the happy writing style, and Anne's ever-present optimism, even with all the trouble she gets herself into, is endearing. Bonus - it's also a historical series (it takes place in the Victorian and Edwardian eras). It's really nice to be able to escape the modern era sometimes. So sometimes I just need to put on some classical music, light a lavender scented candle, heat up some peppermint tea, and crack open Anne of the Island.

These are just some things that work for me. They may or may not work for you. If not, what are some things that have?
-Nym-

On Mental Illness and Suicidal Ideation

[SEVERE TRIGGER WARNING FOR TALKS OF SUICIDE]

Image credit: Freeimages

I don't write about it much because I don't want people to see me any differently and it's not the most pleasant of blog topics, but I also don't want people to get the idea that it's shameful or wrong so I'm just going to bite the bullet and come clean.

I am mentally ill. And sometimes that means I want to die.

Whatever Happened to Baby Starre?

This is a post about nostalgia more than it is about one person. I would just like to make that clear off the bat. One person was the catalyst that allowed me to think of this post, but this post isn't about her, not really.

Anyway.

This blog has been running for a little over half a year, but this is far from my first blog attempt. I have been blogging since 2004. Back then it was on xanga (does anyone remember xanga?) but once I found blogger/blogspot, I never turned back. (Okay I did flirt briefly with wordpress but we weren't compatible.) And one of my first successful blogger blogs (seriously, it got way more popular than I dreamed) was... a fashion blog! Shock and horror! Moreover, it was a pastel fashion blog! (I won't link to it here but it is still online for those who care to look for it.)

I know that must come as a surprise to anyone who knows me, since I tend to favour either casual goth or tomboyish outfits now, but back when I first became a legal adult I experimented in wearing all the frothy little girlish hyper feminine looks that my mother didn't let me wear as a kid. (She tried to dress me more ~sophisticated~ than my peers, which was really frustrating when all the other girls got to come to school in Disney princess pink concoctions.) I don't really regret it even if I would never dress like that now. I wore sweet lolita. I wore fairy kei. I wore hime lolita. And, though I couldn't ever afford it, I admired hime gyaru from afar.

And there was one blog that epitomised the idea of this hime fantasy brought to America. The enigmatic Starre Princess.