The Serpent Man, A Cryptid Nobody Asked For

Did you know that in the Pacific Northwest, dockworkers and boat owners use those inflatable air dancer things (you know, the ones you usually see at used car dealerships) to scare seals and sea lions away from the docks?

The poor pinnipeds stay away from these giant wiggling creatures, but the catch is that they need to be kept turned on, because if they leave them turned off for long, the intelligent sea lions might figure out they're not actually alive. That they're fakes.

But what if they were real? What if the seals and sea lions know something we don't?

Lokablót

Yesterday was April Fool's Day, a day that some modern Lokeans (I stress this is modern; this is definitely not an ancient Viking belief!!!) devote to Loki because, well, Loki loves fun and trickery, and it's a whole holiday for fun and trickery!

So I took my little toy seal/representation of my fylgja into Prospect Park this morning to go do a blót to Loki! (For my muggle friends, a blót is the most common ritual within Heathenry. In the old days this was done by feasting on an animal consecrated to the Gods and then slaughtered. As we are no longer farmers and our needs are simpler today, the most common blót is an offering of mead or other alcoholic beverage to the deities. In my case, it was some pumpkin cider because in my experience, Loki likes sweet flavoured beverages.)

Hello, Spring!

I love Spring! Can you believe it's already that time of year again? The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, and baby Jessamyne is starting to crawl! It's made me feel so wonderfully #blessed to see the wonder in her eyes as she crawls through the grass in the local park, staring up at the blossoms as they rain down on her.

What's that? I've never posted photos of beautiful baby Jessamyne to this blog? Oh, let me show you all - gosh, you'll just wanna eat up her tiny baby face!

Her daddy's mama had this photo taken in a sweater she knit for Jessamyne (or crocheted? I confess I don't know the difference) and I just DIE every time I see it. Thank God Jessie got her daddy's eyes, right? All the boys at church will be knocking down our door to ask for her hand once she grows up!

What's that? Oh, gosh, you're right, I suppose I have been rather bad at keeping this blog updated. Surprise! I'm married now! And I bagged a man five years younger than me - guess us older ladies still got it, am I right ladies? #Cougar!!!

After the oh-so-cute Mormon missionary showed up at my door last fall, I didn't want to believe it at first, but now I cannot believe I ever denied it. Everything he said to me made so much sense - and when I looked into his eyes, he made sense too. I had thought I would always go on as I was. Living life as a lesbian in New York City had seemed so exciting on paper.

But God had other plans for me, and within two weeks Braeden's mission was over and we were flying to Utah to get married as soon as possible. And, well, the church has forgiven me for living my sinful lifestyle. ;) Luckily, Jessamyne will be raised to believe in our family values. She won't know about mommy's shameful past until she's at least 20.

And of course, I won't have to worry about getting a job. The real estate market here is so much better than New York's! No more slaving away in some job I hate to barely scrape by enough to live in a tiny apartment. Is that what feminism gets us? Borderline slave labour? Braeden says yes, and Braeden says we'll raise our daughter to know that true feminine fulfillment comes from living in a loving home with a daddy who works at his father's company and a mommy who stays home with the children. I want to be present in my baby's life the way my working parents weren't for me. Besides, with all the babies Braeden plans to put in me - I'm gonna be 28 this year, we gotta get as many buns in the oven as possible before the bakery closes, if you catch my drift - I'm not gonna have time for silly stuff like museum work. Though, maybe once Jessamyne is old enough to start babysitting her siblings I can volunteer and give tours of downtown.

I am happy that it's spring again. I'm going to bake rosy pink cupcakes with fondant blossoms on them for next Sunday. (That'll show Lynda who the best new mommy on the block is! Ha!) I'll let Jessamyne "help" by licking the frosting spoon. Show her early on that she can find fulfillment in the kitchen.

Oh, and this is of utmost importance - please, I beg of you my friends, do not tell my family I am here in Utah. They didn't approve of Braeden when they met him over skype, and they definitely didn't approve of how we got Jessamyne, saying "the math didn't add up" and "Her real parents are going to be looking for her" and other godless nonsense like that. So they can't know where I am. Okay? Okay!

Love and kisses,
~the eternally #blessed Nym~















P.S. April Fools, ya filthy animals, of course I'm not a hetero Mormon mommy who kidnapped some poor child. (Nor do I think most Mormons would ever do so - I just think most Mormons have a sense of humour enough not to get too offended by this.)