I discovered the power of meditation in college, shortly after switching my major to anthropology as a form of stress relief. That's how it began for me. University is fucking stressful, and my anxiety-ridden neurotic ass didn't want to develop an ulcer.
I took a yoga class in an effort to reduce my stress, and for the most part I got nothing out of it. I respect that a lot of people do get something out of yoga, but while sun salutations were kind of fun I got almost nothing out of them, and I downright hated downward-facing dog. Stretching and contorting my body into pretzels wasn't helping me do anything except feel ridiculous.
What I did get out of it, however, was that at the end of each class session the teacher would turn the lights down and instruct us all to lay on our mats and breathe deeply while soothing new-agey music was played. We would end each class with 15-20 minutes of meditation. That was my favourite part of that class, without fail. That was what turned me on to meditation.
I've done all sorts of meditation since then, whether it's laying there and breathing in silence, sitting calmly and deep-breathing in a Buddhist temple at a meditation class, or listening to guided meditations and having visions in my "mind's eye" as they call it.
And this last Saturday I attended a guided meditation devoted to the Celtic goddess Brigid - though I am not a Druid nor have I ever really given Brigid more than a passing thought, I figured 'why not?' Surprisingly, I got a lot out of it...
I attended with low expectations. The woman leading this ritual was kind to me when I stepped into her space on the Upper West Side, and once everyone had arrived she had us get comfortable. I chose to sit in a chair. Other people sat or laid on the floor. She handed us all photos of the well pictured above, a well in Ireland said to be sacred to Brigid. Then, she had us close our eyes and began instructing us in a soothing voice - no music, no incense, just her voice - to breathe in and out, in and out.
Then, we were to conjure up in our mind's eyes that well. We were to walk up and sit by the well, to contemplate the tranquil, soothing waters.
In my mind, I sat at Her well. I was nervous, not expecting Her to show up. Then, I felt someone sit next to me, and when I looked, there She was. Beautiful, resplendent, muscular, freckly. She seemed bemused that I was not one of Her followers, but She was kind about it.
The woman leading the ritual, guiding the meditation, told us to tell the goddess about a pain we may be having so we may ask the goddess for healing. Me, I’ve been anxious lately for multiple reasons. The current political climate, yes, but also more personal things - I just got signed on to a bigger professional project than anything I’ve ever had to deal with (I can't talk too much about it on here, but when I'm allowed to break the news I will) and it is way out of my league.
Brigid told me this:
“Shh… be still. Breathe.”
I guess - especially in NYC’s fast paced environment, and especially considering my increasing involvement in political activism (another thing I can't talk too much about) - I have forgotten to just breathe and let myself exist. She may not be a goddess I am close to, but she knew what I needed to hear.
Before I left the meditation, I thanked her. She glanced at my mjolnir necklace and smirked, somewhat amused. And She told me:
“Tell Thor to come visit me sometime!”
That was the last thing I heard.
At the end of the ritual, one man did a divination with tarot cards. He pulled the Ten of Swords, the Page of Wands, and the High Priestess. The cards seemed to be saying the same thing, reaffirming what She had told me:
“Yes, there is pain right now. Yes there is suffering. But remember to exist. Remember to breathe.”
Now, some of you are going to ask, did I really have a divine experience? Do I really think I sat there and had a conversation with an ancient deity just because some woman was guiding me through a meditation? And my answer for you is this:
Does it matter?
No, really, does it matter if it was "real" or not? What is the nature of reality? There is a reason I call my tag for this kind of stuff 'unreality' after all. Because whether it was "real" or not is not important to me. It doesn't matter. Whether I spoke to a real goddess or whether it was my subconscious, I still got something out of it that was very powerful and meaningful to me at this point in my life, as I do every time I have a meditative vision.
I needed to be reminded that it is okay to take the time I need to heal and to just exist. That yes, I am going to be fighting a lot and that as I take on a creative project there will be a lot of fast-paced work and a steep learning curve, but I must remember to breathe.
That is what I got out of this meditation.
-Nym-
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